Internet Folklore

Whoops. I didn’t blog for almost a year and a half. Thanks, to the person who commented on an old post and reminded me that this blog even existed. Gonna have to fix all those dead youtube links too. 

As anyone who knows me personally can tell you, I am a woman of many lists and spreadsheets. The majority of these are recreational. I have one for podcasts I’ve listened to and want to listen to, more than a dozen for PDFs of cool stuff I’ve found online, one that meticulously keeps track of the titles and popularity of my artwork and one for bad movies I still need to watch, among others.

I think it’s one of those things that scares people a little bit when they see it, and it definitely looks more than a little neurotic–which, in case it’s not clear by now, I am. But over time, I’ve realized it allows me to feel much more in-control of my life than I have before, plus I have easy to find references for the things I read about when they inevitably come up in conversation.

One of the lists I’ve been carefully tending to this week is one I call Internet Folklore. I haven’t totally decided what the term means exactly, other than fascinating stories and mysteries that have largely taken place online.

Here’s a short list of my highlights, and please, if you think of anything else that applies let me know! I’ll add it to the list :3

The Goddamn Denko Saga (A.K.A. (´・ω・`)) 

Oh god. This one hurts in the weirdest way. I was only shown this one about a year ago by some friends, and it was impossible for me to stop reading. It has one of my favorite elements of online stories–the unreliable narrator. And boy, this one is extreme.

It started on 2chan with this text from OP:

There’s this girl I’ve had feelings for since high school, and now we’re in college together. We’ll call her Denko.
Once we hit second year, we went out drinking, and I worked up the courage to exchange numbers.
We started out talking often, but she hasn’t answered me in three days now.
I’m getting depressed just thinking that Denko might be sick, or that something happened to her… (´・ω・`)
Please, somebody give me some advice.

This results in comments with some genuinely horrible advice, but OP takes it seriously and ends up tormenting poor Denko with his bizarre behavior and skewed logic. It’s a journey, that’s pretty much all I can say.  It does get NSFW with language at times, so probably don’t read it at work. That kind of goes for all of these…and the internet in general.

Is it Normal for my Husband to only have Sex with me Through a Hole in the Sheet? 

This one is a new addition to the list, as I only found it yesterday, but I was laughing so damn hard it moved up to my top five. OP starts a thread on the Baby Center forums asking if other women have sex with their husband through a hole in the sheet. Everyone initially responds with a resounding “Um. No,” but then another poster comes in and shares her own experiences–and love for–sheet sex.

On page 8, OP posts a picture of the sheet her and her husband use–and admits that they still use it as a normal sheet and sleep under it. On page 63, the other Sheet-Sexer says:

Yes, my children were conceived using the sheet. I have a special wreath drawn around each hole that was used in the conception of our children, and we only make love using those holes on our children’s birthdays.

So, yeah, this one gets a bit weird.

Kevin, the dumbest teenager ever 

If you haven’t read this one, you need to stop what you’re doing right now and do so. It’s been referenced all over reddit, and even led to a spin off subreddit. The details of Kevin’s stupidity are stranger than fiction, and made me laugh out loud. This is one I definitely come back to on rainy days when I need a good laugh.

A Hilarious Argument Between Bodybuilders

This thread starts off simply–OP asks if it’s reasonable to work out every other day. Then the conversation derails and results in a very intense argument about how many days there are in a week. Both sides are wrong on their math, and their sheer frustration over the conflict makes it even better.

A classy quote from the first page:

I have a feeling you are so mentally retarded that we need to take the “week” lingo out of this and go to numbers.

Do what I said above, tell me how many times you train in 4 SEVEN day weeks, aka one month.

Use the calendar for your retarded eyes to see the truth.

Charming.

The PeenaKolada Story – A Tale with a Happy Ending

Let me first point out that on BabyCenter, all of the OP’s comments can be read together by clicking on “all comments from Original Poster” underneath the first post. I strongly recommend that because this thread is looooong. 

It starts with OP on a vacation with her fiancé and her soon to be Mother-In-Law, who OP didn’t want on the trip in the first place. Her codependent fiancé, it turns out, invited MIL on the trip when she volunteered to pay for it herself. They end up staying in the SAME suite, MIL wakes the couple at 5AM to go to every available activity and refuses to let them have any time to themselves. After bringing her issues to DWIL (Dealing with In-Laws on Baby Center), OP makes an ambitious escape, making for an incredibly fun and satisfying read.

Have a fun and safe trip down the Rabbit Hole, everyone!

giphy-downsized

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