Weird Children’s Coloring Books I found PDFs of Online

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A D.A.R.E. Coloring book from 2017 that seems to have nothing to do with the organization

Made for King County, North Carolina with the help of sponsors from around town, this coloring book offers terrible art AND puns.

 

 

Billy and the Basketball: A Coloring Book about Savings

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Dear everyone: please pay your artists fair wages.

The art in this one is even worse than before, making it obvious that someone was not paid enough to care about this project. The text from the images runs off into the text of the story, making it illegible, but I imagine there were very few outraged children complaining about it. Also, the text is all in Comic Sans, as if that were at all acceptable in the design of ANYTHING.

Side note, though: these pictures don’t even look like they would be fun to color.

 

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Hush, child. Obey the bug. 

Buckle Up Bug’s Activity Book

Haven’t your children always wanted to learn about car safety from a child-sized anthropomorphic bug? It’s just like that beloved children’s icon, Gregor Samsa!

 

 

 

Exty and Hydro’s Fire Safety Activity Book

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Your name is bad and you should feel bad. 

 

This one is pretty much only noteworthy because of the AWFUL name they gave the fire extinguisher. Three seconds after I showed it to my friend, Tam, she came up with “Flamer” and “Red,” both of which are better names than EXTY.

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Good Health is in Your Hands Coloring Book

The cover image is of our main character, Soapy, getting sucked into a bubbly abyss. In black and white the character proves to be even more frightening as the S around his eyeballs leads to some unnerving crazy-eyes.

Also, Soapy’s mom is Bubble Bath for some reason? Also, this anthropomorphic soap lives with his mother and gets tucked in nightly.

 

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1980s Officer Byrd PSAs

Don’t be a nerd! Listen to Officer Byrd!

 

Some cute ads, but despite Officer Byrd’s popularity in Los Angeles, Officer Mike had a falling out with the LAPD. Mike wanted to pursue his own show and a life as an entertainer, and so he and his bird faded into obscurity.

Why are Irish McDonald’s Ads so Weird?

This was posted LAST YEAR. Even if it had been posted in like 2009-2010, I would be more understanding, but c’mon. Everyone knows the friendzone is a shitty MRA myth. WTF?

Obviously, these ads are aimed at teen boys. It’s so weird how marketing differs from country to country, right?

It’s really interesting to see how other countries play with their own stereotypes.

Also, why does McDonald’s always look a little better in Europe?

My Favorite Pieces of Barbie History

I have a weird relationship with Barbie dolls.

First of all, I played with them until I was probably like 12, so a little bit beyond when other kids stopped. I built a Barbie Hogwarts in my bedroom, used a cigar box as Harry Potter’s trunk.

Then in college I studied Sociology and Women’s and Gender studies, and spent a semester collecting people’s stories of how they played with Barbie dolls, which I then turned into a paper and then a zine.

Later, I took an experimental video class where I edited pieces of various Barbie advertisements and other symbolically feminine footage (I’m afraid to even look back at the video I made, as I’m sure it was pretty cringe-y and heavy-handed) with a video released to news organizations in 1993 by The Barbie Liberation Organization

The BLO was brought about by the creation of Teen Talk Barbie:

This doll was significant in that each doll said  4 phrases out of a list of 270, meaning that few dolls said the same 4 phrases.  However, the things they had Barbie saying were, generally, pretty fucking sexist. The phrase that got the most media attention, though was, “Math class is tough!”. The company ultimately pulled the phrase from the list, but continued to sell the doll.

Anyway, in my research for these various Barbie projects I’ve undertaken, I’ve watched a lot of Barbie ads, and I thought it would be fun to compile all of my favorites in one central location.

Loving You Barbie (1983) 

I love this ad because it is so strangely queer. The little girls are writing notes telling Barbie how much they love her and they continually state how beautiful she is. Generally Barbie ads cultivate this sort of hero-worship feeling about the doll, but this one just feels romantic.

Color Splash Pocahontas (1995) 

Um. Why does John Smith have a color-changing chest Eagle?

Cool Shavin’ Ken (1996) 

I mean, I know it’s Barbie, but this one is so heteronormative that it kind of grosses me out, and I’m currently in a very hetero relationship. Also, I love the Old Spice tie in.

Astronaut Barbie (1985) 

This one is by far my favorite. Barbie doesn’t even pretend she’s getting anything productive done in space. She even TAKES HER HELMET OFF to dance under a space disco ball. I also love the puffy sleeves on that space suit.

Lost Films & Media I Really Want to See

[FYI, I intend to update this as I discover more things I can’t find on the internet]

  1. The Duggar Family singing Jim Bob’s 2004 political theme song, “Won’t You Please Vote For My Daddy?” Which is referenced in this article, back when the family only had 14 children. I’ve heard that the Duggar’s released it as part of their press package for the election, but from what I can tell, no videos of the song have been posted online. I’m very sickly fascinated by this family, and have always been curious about it.
  2. The Amateur’s Guide to Love 
  3. Ethel Is an Elephant  – A NYC photographer has to cope with his new roommate, Ethel, who is an elephant. I’m not sure why this pilot was never picked up, since it sounds amazing.
  4. Gary Busey hosting a marathon on Nickelodeon in 2002- This one may or may not exist.
  5. LAX 2194 – An unsold pilot with Ryan Stiles as an alien.
  6. A Dog’s Life – This looks to be a really unfunny precursor to Wilfred. I wanna see it.
  7. A We-Are-18 commercial that aired on cable from the mid-90s to the early 2000s. In it, a woman takes off a fur coat and says, “It’s cold outside, but it’s sizzling in here.” This ad apparently ran for a few years, and my boyfriend references it every winter when, but I’ve never been able to find it.
  8. This animation I saw several times as a kid called “Fidget-y Midgety.” After trying to find it, I did find it on a list of Cartoon Network webtoons someone compiled (which was helpful, because I totally remembered it being Nickelodeon–but all evidence so far points to my brain being wrong). Despite finding evidence that I’m not crazy, and it does exist, I can’t find record of the actual cartoon anywhere. It was about a girl named Midge who couldn’t stop fidgeting, and I really related to it in my little ADHD heart. I’ve had what I remember of the song stuck in my head intermittently for the past 15 years.
  9. September 25, 2003 Broadcast of ABC’s Primetime Live, which included an interview with Treva Throneberry, and from what I can tell, is the only recorded interview of her that seems to exist. According to worldcat.org, it aired with a segment about hotel sanitation, and may have been released on VHS, however no known libraries hold a copy.

 

[Last updated 6/13/18]